Trying to get pregnant and having no luck can be one of the most frustrating experiences for couples. Especially when it seems like everyone around you is having success without even trying. It was “unplanned” you hear people say, or a “total accident.” You try to smile on the outside and offer kind words of congratulations, but inside, you’re crushed.  Meanwhile you’ve seen specialists, including nutritionists and subspecialists, taken medicines, been scanned, poked and prodded, and perhaps even undergone surgery to get pregnant.   And still….nothing.

You haven’t Tried Everything.

You have forgotten about one thing, the need to stay positive.

Staying positive is not something that just happens. And it’s not something you can read about in a book.  Instead, it’s a mental process that you alone must singularly cultivate. You must constantly push negative thoughts out of your brain and find joy and appreciation in the smallest of things.

No Backsliding

To truly be positive, you cannot give yourself a time out and delve into self-pity, not even for a second. Being positive requires a full-on 100% commitment, but that’s not as hard as it sounds. It only requires that you regularly embrace everything that comes your way, the good with the bad, and find the brighter outcome.

Speak a Gentle Truth

It’s hard to see others around you succeed at something you’ve so desperately wanted. But you’ve heard the old expression, “Walk a mile in somebody else’s footsteps.” You don’t really know what that other couple went through to achieve pregnancy. What people choose to share and what they’ve actually endured are sometimes completely different things. You might be surprised to learn that achieving pregnancy was also an enormous struggle for others, too.

When someone tells you they’re pregnant, don’t give in to anger or bite your tongue and say nothing. Instead, speak truthfully but gently about your feelings. Be as happy for them as you would want someone to be for you, but also open up and share the frustrations you’ve been experiencing.

Teachable Moments

When a friend is pregnant, politely ask if they will share some tips with you. Remember, you are not asking to know explicit blow-by-blow details. Instead, ask what nutritional recommendations they can make. Were there particular foods they avoided? Were there supplements they added to their diet?  Do they really think their yoga or Pilate’s class made a difference? The point of these questions is not to revisit old wives tales, instead you are keeping an open mind and staying positive and receptive to others.

Quit Obsessing

You need to take the focus away from yourself. This is an essential step to positive thinking. What do you truly love to do? Is it gardening or cooking with exotic ingredients? Dedicate a part of your life to finding blissful pleasures. Over time, you will come to see that taking control of your thoughts and being positive is singularly the most important thing you can do to achieving your dreams.

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